NEED TO KNOW
- NFL teams are cutting down from 90 players to 53 by Tuesday’s deadline.
- Most players cut will never be heard from again, unless they become Uber drivers.
- All this effort ensures a clean path for Kansas City to win the AFC again.
Dreams Get Cut Before the Final Whistle
Every year, NFL roster cutdown day is marketed as “business as usual.” In reality, it’s the sports version of The Hunger Games, where 90 hopefuls enter training camp and 37 are politely told to clean out their lockers and return the iPads. These players will then spend the season explaining to friends and family that “technically, they were in the league.”
From Uber to ESPN Highlight Reels
Most cut players won’t find new jobs in football. Instead, they’ll find themselves in familiar roles: delivering takeout or starring in an endlessly looped ESPN “Not Top 10” clip. Teams insist the process is efficient, yet multiple coaches admit they’ve accidentally released players they still needed while keeping a guy who was just there dropping off Chipotle.
The Chiefs Problem
The ultimate cruelty of roster cut day? It doesn’t matter. Whether your team cuts 37 scrubs, 47 future All-Pros, or half their coaching staff, the Kansas City Chiefs are still waiting at the end of the tunnel. Patrick Mahomes could be throwing passes left-handed while eating barbecue, and your team would still lose by double digits.
The NFL’s Bright Future of Futility
Commissioner Roger Goodell insists the cutdown process “makes the league stronger.” Fans know better: it just clears space for fewer names to blame in postgame rage tweets. Whether you’re a rookie linebacker or a veteran quarterback, there’s only one certainty: by December, you’ll be another victim of the Chiefs machine.
“The NFL is the only job where you can get fired and your mom still brags you worked there.” — Carl Vickerson, Former Practice Squad Legend
