NEED TO KNOW
- The Buss family has sold their controlling stake in the Lakers to avoid another season of their Netflix docuseries
- Jeanie Buss says she’s “done crying in luxury suites for B-roll” and is moving on
- New owner Mark Walter vows zero camera crews and at least one functioning scouting department
Jeanie Buss Steps Off the Soundstage
LOS ANGELES, CA – After nearly 45 years, the Buss family’s control of the Lakers has ended. Their reason? They didn’t want to film a second season of the Netflix documentary “The Dynasty: Lakers Edition.” Jeanie Buss, still wearing a lavender power blazer, announced the sale while holding a Starbucks cup with “not your puppet” scribbled on it.
“It stopped being about basketball,” she said. “We couldn’t walk down the tunnel without a producer asking if we could ‘look more betrayed.’ That’s not how you win titles.”
Sources say the decision followed Netflix’s pitch for Season 2, which included episodes like “Austin Reaves: Secretly Sad?” and “Jeanie Confronts the Mascot About Brand Fatigue.”
Mark Walter Brings Billionaire Silence
New controlling owner Mark Walter assured fans there will be fewer dramatic cutaways and more front-office decisions made without mood lighting. “We believe in analytics, not confessionals,” he told reporters. “And we’re scrapping the segment where the assistant coach learns to love again.”
Walter, already known for revitalizing the Dodgers, has promised to double the Lakers’ scouting budget and remove all hot mic zones from practice facilities. His team will also end the experimental docu-musical episode tentatively titled “LeBron: The Offseason.”
Pelinka, meanwhile, reportedly asked if his Netflix deal transferred to the Dodgers. He was told “absolutely not.”
Reality Fatigue, Laker Style
Insiders claim Jeanie had been quietly exploring an exit ever since she was asked to re-enact her brother’s firing in soft-focus flashbacks. “They wanted tears. I gave them cap space,” she said.
One final production note had been a breaking point: a “tense brunch” scene with Magic Johnson, LeBron James, and a python wearing a jersey. “We’re not a zoo,” Jeanie allegedly muttered before selling for $10 billion and walking directly off set.
Netflix has since pivoted. A new trailer teases “The Dynasty: Cut Off Mid-Season,” featuring unused locker room B-roll, bad mic’d-up sessions, and one very confused Phil Handy reading cue cards.
HBO, sensing opportunity, has greenlit “Winning Time 2: We Swear This One’s Accurate.” The first teaser shows Jeanie Buss burning a copy of the first script in front of a wax statue of Kareem.
Quote of the moment
They wanted tears. I gave them cap space
Jeanie Buss
