NEED TO KNOW
- Scientists confirmed that Gold is leaking from Earth’s molten core into the mantle.
- The discovery was made by studying volcanic rocks in Hawaii, which now double as investment brochures.
- The process takes hundreds of millions of years, but that hasn’t stopped billionaires from booking flights to Kilauea.
Hawaii’s Lava Now Considered “Liquid Asset”
Scientists have found traces of gold and other precious metals oozing up from Earth’s core like a very slow, very expensive coffee percolator. The team studied basaltic rocks from Hawaii’s volcanoes and discovered ruthenium isotopes—a sure sign that Earth’s innards are spilling their secrets. Also, ruthenium sounds like a mineral you unlock in Minecraft, so it must be real.
Billionaires Already Trying to Trademark the Planet
Word of gold leaking from Earth’s core caused Elon Musk to post a cryptic tweet: “LavaCoin coming soon.” Meanwhile, Jeff Bezos reportedly launched a drone to hover over Kilauea with a tiny net and a big dream. Geochemists, trying to maintain dignity, said, “It takes a billion years for meaningful amounts to rise,” which is a very unsexy thing to say to investors.
Geologists Say “Slow Down, It’s Not a Gold Rush”
Despite excitement, scientists warn that the actual amount of gold reaching the crust is minuscule. We’re talking one milligram per lava tantrum. Still, that hasn’t stopped amateur prospectors from booking spirit retreats to Hawaii under the guise of “energy realignment and panning opportunities.”
University officials also emphasized that the gold is chemically linked to ruthenium, so you’d need a Ph.D., a Volcano, and a small miracle to extract it. TikTok influencers have already misunderstood this and are now selling core-leak detox teas.
Earth May Be Generous, But Not in Our Lifetime
The real shock isn’t the gold. It’s the fact that the Earth’s core leaks at all. Scientists used to think the core was a closed system—a kind of molten Swiss bank. But now it turns out the planet’s molten heart is basically crying precious metals over geologic heartbreak. While it may take a billion years to fill your coin purse, it’s comforting to know the planet is emotionally leaking with us.
Quote of the Moment
Earth’s core is leaking gold and yet my landlord still raised the rent 12% – Anonymous geology major with lava burn scars
Anonymous geology major with lava burn scars
