What You Need to Know
- Black smoke seen over the Sistine Chapel was initially thought to be from the papal conclave vote.
- It was later revealed to be from a severely overcooked pizza at Pizzeria della Grazie, just across the street.
- Chef Giuseppe Spatoloni says he was “distracted by a very emotional episode of Italian MasterChef.”
As anticipation swelled in St. Peter’s Square on Wednesday evening, crowds gasped at the sight of thick black smoke curling into the Roman sky. Journalists scrambled. Faithful pilgrims clutched rosaries. Someone even live-streamed a TikTok titled “Habemus Papa?”
But the excitement was short-lived. The smoke was not from the Sistine Chapel chimney. It was, in fact, from a flaming pizza oven belonging to local chef Giuseppe Spatoloni, who admitted to burning four pies, three garlic knots, and his favorite apron.
“I-a swear, I was watching the papal coverage,” said Spatoloni, wiping flour on his Vatican souvenir T-shirt. “Next thing I know, my oven is smoking like the Holy Spirit just lit a bonfire in it.”
A False Alarm of Biblical Proportions
Confusion spread quickly. Vatican officials briefly issued a “smoke clarification bulletin” assuring the public that the cardinals were still voting and that no pope had been chosen.
“Please do not interpret random smoke as divine signals,” the bulletin read. “Especially if it smells like mozzarella.”
Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re was reportedly seen sniffing the air and muttering, “Is that basil?” before returning to the chapel.
The Pizzeria Speaks
Spatoloni, known locally for his “Seven Deadly Slices” specialty pizza, offered free cannoli to confused pilgrims and cardinals alike.
“I feel-a terrible,” he said. “People thought they had a new pope, but really they just had a calzone gone wrong.”
His oven, nicknamed Il Forno Benedetto, has now been fitted with a smoke filter to prevent future conclave-level misunderstandings.
Meanwhile, In the Chapel…
Inside the Sistine Chapel, the actual voting continued without incident. No white smoke yet. Just name badges, whispered ballots, and a few side-eyes toward whoever keeps slipping prosciutto references into Latin.
Cardinal Parolin and Cardinal Tagle remain frontrunners. But as one Vatican aide put it, “Right now, the only thing that’s risen is the crust.”
