What You Need to Know
- Cardinal Robert Prevost of Chicago has been elected pope, the first American ever to hold the title.
- In true Midwestern fashion, he’s announced he will be informally known as “Da Pope.”
- Local sports bars have already added “Da Communion Combo” to their menus.
History took an extremely Chicago turn this week. Cardinal Robert Prevost, a 69-year-old South Side native, stepped onto the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica as Pope Leo XIV. But back home, no one waited for the Latin. Within seconds, he had a new, much louder name: Da Pope.
“He’s one of us,” said Lou Scarmucci, wearing a custom ‘DA POPE’ jersey over his Bulls hoodie. “Guy’s from Chicago. Knows real winters. Knows real God. Probably still has a Portillo’s punch card.”
Windy City Welcomes Its Holiest Export
Back in Chicago, celebrations broke out across parishes and pizza joints. Sports bars added “Da Holy Combo” to their menus. Italian beef sales spiked. A northside tattoo shop offered $14 “Da Pope” ink specials — rosary optional.
Even Mayor Brandon Johnson declared a half-day citywide: “We’ve got a Chicago pope now. You think we’re not throwing a block party?”
Who is Da Pope?
Pope Leo XIV built a long career far from his deep-dish roots. He spent years as a missionary in South America. Later, he served as bishop in Peru. Most recently, he led the Vatican office that picks bishops. Now he’s the big guy — and he’s got that Midwestern blend of toughness, humility, and intolerance for lukewarm pizza.
Cardinals praised his leadership and global mindset. Chicagoans praised his “likely ability to bless a bratwurst without hesitation.”
Faith, Football, and Flexibility
In his first public remarks, Da Pope called for peace, thanked the faithful, and gave a subtle nod to the late Pope Francis. He then said something the crowd thinks was “Amen,” but a few Vatican guards swear it sounded like “Go Cubs.”
No formal word yet on papal policy changes, but insiders believe he may update Vatican protocols to include:
- One allowed “Da” per official speech
- Blessings over tailgate grills
- Special Mass seating for anyone who’s ever shoveled a driveway in March
Final Thoughts
Chicago, known for its loyalty, now claims spiritual supremacy. “We had Da Bulls, Da Bears, and Da Dogs,” one fan shouted outside Holy Name Cathedral. “Now we got Da Pope. That’s the full collection.”
As bells rang across the city, one thing became clear: the papacy may now run on faith, tradition, and just a little giardiniera.
