NEED TO KNOW
- Tucker Carlson grilled Sen. Ted Cruz over Iran, including basic facts like population and ethnic makeup
- Cruz responded by calling the questions “cute,” proving once again that Foreign Policy is mostly improv
- The MAGA world is now divided between Team ‘Know Stuff’ and Team ‘Blow Stuff Up’
Cruz Forgets Iran Exists Outside Fox Graphics
WASHINGTON, D.C. – What began as a MAGA-friendly interview quickly turned into a bloodbath of geopolitical trivia as Tucker Carlson asked Sen. Ted Cruz basic questions about Iran, only to discover Cruz had not studied for the quiz.
“How many people live in Iran?” Carlson asked, staring into Cruz’s soul. “I don’t know the population,” Cruz admitted, which sent Carlson into a slow, disappointed exhale typically reserved for interns who delete footage.
“You don’t know the population of the country you seek to topple?” Tucker repeated, proving that yes, he actually wanted an answer and wasn’t just being rhetorical for once.
Battle of the Beards: Policy vs. Pop Quiz
As the interview spiraled into chaos, Carlson demanded percentages of Iran’s ethnic makeup. “This is cute,” Cruz muttered, signaling the universal conservative code for ‘I am cornered and wish to insult you now.’
To his credit, Cruz correctly identified Persians and Shia Muslims — but then refused to offer figures, possibly because numbers are woke or he left his CIA Factbook in his other jacket.
MAGA World Splits Like a Bad Beard Trim
The clip, posted by Carlson and viewed over 22 million times, ignited civil war inside the MAGA-sphere. Carlson fans praised him for exposing Cruz’s “Warhawk Wikipedia Gap,” while Cruz defenders argued that knowing about countries is overrated in a true democracy.
Donald Trump, watching from his Florida bunker, declared on Truth Social, “TUCKER IS KOOKY. I LIKE HIM, BUT HE NEEDS TO CALM DOWN WITH THE QUIZZES.” He then added, “IRAN CAN’T HAVE NUKES! PERIOD! GREAT HAIR THOUGH.”
Cruz Responds by Complaining About Editing, Still Not Learning Population
Cruz later posted that Carlson used a “gotcha” clip and urged people to watch the full interview — which, judging by the preview, features 30 additional minutes of sweaty mumbling and Reagan-themed eye contact.
When reached for comment, a Cruz aide said, “The senator is focused on bold leadership, not memorizing flashcards like some kind of AP student.”
Quote of the moment
I’m not here to memorize population tables, I’m here to overthrow governments
Sen. Ted Cruz
