NEED TO KNOW
- Trump claims Tornadoes are a direct result of “reckless spinning” by wind turbines
- Vows to replace wind farms with “patriotic oil derricks made in Texas”
- Blames China, Denmark, and Don Quixote for rise in wind-related weather crimes
SCOTLAND, UK—Standing near a grazing flock of sheep and visibly irritated windmills, President Trump delivered a dire warning Saturday about the catastrophic link between Renewable Energy and bad weather. “You spin something that big, what do you expect? Of course it causes tornadoes,” he said, gesturing toward a horizon dotted with turbines and one mildly startled ewe.
Trump, who has long battled the existence of Windmills near his golf courses, insisted that the structures were not only eyesores but “rotating murder machines powered by socialism.” He further claimed windmills caused migraines, bird death, and “confusion in planes.”
“This is not clean energy,” Trump explained. “This is China, spinning our air into spirals of destruction. Ask yourself, were there tornadoes before windmills? Nobody knows. But I’m saying no.” Aides later clarified that this was not a rhetorical question.
As reporters pressed him for scientific backing, Trump pulled out a napkin labeled “WIND = BAD,” with a small drawing of a crying eagle. He then proposed building a new energy grid fueled entirely by coal, firewood, and something he called “manpower, like the Founders used.”
Local meteorologists have declined to comment, citing exhaustion and a complete breakdown of the concept of facts.
Quote of the moment
Wind spins, then tornadoes spin — it’s like putting your house in a washing machine and acting surprised when it’s soggy
President Donald J. Trump
