NEED TO KNOW
- Trump declares 2028 campaign unnecessary, citing “eternal mandate of destiny”
- 22nd Amendment now considered “deeply rude and possibly rigged”
- New national slogan unveiled: “One Nation, Under Me”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a historic CNBC interview that left constitutional scholars facepalming into their coffee, President Donald Trump announced he would “probably” not run for president again in 2028 — because, as he put it, “Why bother when you’ve already achieved Supreme Leader energy?”
Trump clarified that he still enjoys elections “tremendously” but added that “losing even fake ones is exhausting.” Instead, he proposed bypassing term limits by declaring himself “America’s First Post-Term President,” a title he insists is both legal and spiritually binding.
“I’ve got the best poll numbers. Better than Lincoln. Better than the pope. People are chanting ‘Four more eternities!’” Trump said, flanked by aides holding golden eagles and weeping interns.
While some pointed out that the 22nd Amendment forbids a third term, Trump dismissed it as “more of a guideline than a law” and introduced a new Trump 2028 hat reading “Democracy? That’s Cute.”
Meanwhile, the Trump Organization has filed paperwork to convert the Capitol dome into a rotating throne room, complete with a Diet Coke fountain and a sound system that blasts Lee Greenwood every 30 minutes.
“It’s not a coup if I do it legally through merchandising,” Trump added.
Quote of the moment
If Americans didn’t want a monarchy, they shouldn’t have let me look this good in red
Donald Trump, Future Supreme Leader
