NEED TO KNOW
- The White House released an image of President Trump reimagined as Superman following backlash over the new “woke” Superman film.
- Trump is demanding a new version of the movie featuring himself, fighting off the IRS and deporting undocumented Kryptonians.
- Critics say the image is absurd, but MAGA influencers have already begun pre-ordering “Super T” action figures that whisper tax loopholes.
A Hero for the Working-Class Billionaire
In response to what he called “the most un-American Superman ever made,” President Donald Trump announced that America needs a new superhero film — one where he, personally, plays Superman. The announcement came just hours after the White House posted an official image of Trump in a digitally-enhanced Superman suit, glowing with enough nationalist energy to power the entire state of Alabama.
Truth, Justice, and Kicking People Out
“Superman should be strong, rich, and not afraid to kick a few illegals into orbit,” Trump said during a press event in Texas, standing next to a green-screen cornfield. “The woke Superman cries about kindness. My Superman will fire-beam the tax code, waterboard the Federal Reserve, and fly undocumented aliens back to their countries — personally.”
Critics and Capes
Critics blasted the move as absurd, noting that Superman is fictional and, traditionally, not known for holding press conferences in golf attire. But MAGA supporters celebrated the image, with Rep. Lauren Boebert tweeting, “Finally, a Superman who files Schedule C.” Meanwhile, a new line of Super Trump NFTs is reportedly in development, each one powered by pure resentment and expired Diet Coke.
The original film’s director declined to comment, muttering something about “multiverses” and “therapy.”
