NEED TO KNOW
- Trump says Nobel Peace Prize “stolen” after being passed over again
- Plans to launch “The Trump Peace Awards” with gold statues and entry fees
- Claims he already won seven “practice prizes” by ending “pre-wars”
President Donald Trump has once again lashed out at the Nobel Committee after learning he will not receive the Peace Prize this year. In a press conference held at Mar-a-Lago, Trump accused the Norwegian panel of “massive fraud” and vowed to create his own prize, which he promised would be “ten times more peaceful, and made in America.”
“The Nobel people are corrupt,” Trump said. “They’ve been rigged against me since day one. Everyone knows I’ve brought more peace than anyone, maybe ever. I even ended wars that didn’t happen yet. We call those ‘pre-wars.’ Very historic.”
‘The Trump Peace Awards’ Announced
Trump unveiled plans for his new “Trump Peace Awards,” which will feature life-sized golden eagles holding olive branches and small golf tees. Winners will include “anyone who didn’t start World War III while I was talking.” He hinted that previous recipients might include Kid Rock, Elon Musk, and “that nice general who salutes me good.”
When asked whether the new award would carry a cash prize, Trump smiled and said, “Yes, a million dollars. Payable to me first, of course. We’re going to run it like a business, not a charity.”
Experts Say Peace ‘Not Trademarked Yet’
Critics of the plan noted that peace itself is not currently trademarked, which could complicate Trump’s bid to monetize the concept. However, White House staff say the president has already filed for exclusive rights to “Peace™,” “Trump Peace™,” and “Peace So Good People Cry.”
“No one’s ever branded peace before,” one aide said. “He’s a visionary. Everyone else just talks about peace. He’s packaging it.”
As one historian observed, “It’s unclear if he understands what the Peace Prize actually honors, but he’s definitely creating jobs—mostly for lawyers.”
He’ll probably nominate himself for Best Supporting Peacemaker
Lars Gundersen, Oslo Bureau of Irony
