NEED TO KNOW
- Trump visited the Fed renovation site and immediately accused the staircase of “spending too much on itself”
- Powell calmly explained the cost was for OSHA-compliant steps, not “a golden escalator to hell”
- Trump now insists all future Fed renovations be “two-dimensional to save money”
President Donald Trump, during a surprise visit to the Federal Reserve’s $3.1 billion renovation project, pointed to a random section of blueprint and demanded to know, “Why is this staircase spending more money than Iowa?” The outburst occurred moments after Trump put on a hard hat and declared himself “America’s top foreman, financially and spiritually.”
Fed Chair Jerome Powell, visibly exhausted, responded, “That’s a basic fire exit.” Trump shot back, “Sounds like an excuse. If you knew how to budget, Jerome, we’d all be on roller skates by now.” He then accused the staircase of being “deep state masonry,” which aides later clarified was not a metaphor.
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Though Powell tried to explain that most costs were tied to modern safety codes and asbestos removal, Trump pulled out a Sharpie, circled the blueprint’s corner, and shouted, “This is where we lost $6 trillion in GDP!” Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent nodded silently while pretending to text.
At press time, Trump had reportedly submitted a new architectural sketch featuring a trapdoor labeled “for inflation to fall through.”
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The Fed declined to comment on whether it would adopt any of Trump’s design suggestions, though one contractor was overheard whispering, “I’ve seen worse come from consulting firms.”
Quote of the moment
If the Fed doesn’t listen to me, they’re just going to build another housing crisis, but with granite countertops
Donald Trump
