Former President Donald Trump has taken a break from his social media escapades to demand a full-blown investigation into the phenomenon that is Taylor Swift’s concert success and merchandise sales. In a social media post-storm that rivaled his past social media tirades, Trump expressed his bewilderment at Swift’s ability to fill arenas and sell merchandise like hotcakes, suspecting a potential “unfair advantage” that she might be exploiting.
Claiming to represent “the voice of the forgotten ticket scalpers and struggling merchandise vendors,” Trump lambasted Swift for her seemingly unnatural ability to draw hordes of fans to her concerts. “It’s truly unbelievable. I mean, I know a thing or two about large crowds, and let me tell you, nobody draws crowds like me. Nobody. But somehow, Taylor Swift, with her catchy pop songs and friendly persona, manages to outdo even my biggest rallies. Something just doesn’t add up, folks.”
Trump went on to propose an “Arena Audit,” a hypothetical executive order that would investigate the ticket sales, crowd management, and even the songwriting process behind Swift’s hit singles. “We need to find out how she’s filling those arenas. Maybe she’s using illegal crowd-attracting tactics, like hypnotizing her fans with subliminal messages hidden in her lyrics. It’s very possible, believe me,” Trump declared, not providing any evidence to back up his claims.
Furthermore, Trump seemed especially baffled by the success of Swift’s merchandise, which includes everything from concert tees to cat-themed accessories. “How can anyone sell that much merchandise? I’ve tried selling ties and hats, and while they were great ties and hats, they just didn’t fly off the shelves like hers apparently do. Maybe she’s secretly colluding with China to produce these items at a lower cost? We need to look into this. It’s about protecting American merchandisers!”
The Twitterverse erupted with reactions to Trump’s latest fixation. Some users ridiculed the former president’s attempt to interject himself into the world of pop music, while others sarcastically suggested that Trump should host a “rally-off” with Taylor Swift to see who could attract more attendees.
Swift’s response to Trump’s investigation demands was, as expected, classy yet humorous. In a series of subtle but pointed tweets, she wrote, “I’m just a girl with a guitar and a bunch of feelings. No need for an investigation, Mr. Trump. Maybe you can try writing a catchy tune or two and see how that works out for you?”
Meanwhile, Trump’s closest supporters lauded his efforts to “protect the integrity of live events” and claimed that Swift’s popularity was just another example of the “deep state” at work.
As of now, it remains unclear whether any government agency will heed Trump’s calls for an investigation into Taylor Swift’s concert and merchandise success. But one thing is for sure – the “Arena Audit” hashtag is already trending, and the internet can’t get enough of this satirical showdown between Trump and Swift.
