NEED TO KNOW
- Trump says Biden hid Obama’s birth certificate “somewhere in Delaware”
- Claims he would’ve found it by now if not for “woke” filing cabinets
- Blames everything from Biden to Barron’s homework for the delay
WASHINGTON, DC – With 176 days officially logged in his second presidency, Donald Trump confirmed he is no closer to locating Barack Obama’s birth certificate and is now blaming President Joe Biden for the continued elusiveness of the document.
Filing Cabinets, Deep State, and Delaware
“It’s very simple. Biden had eight years as Vice President to hide it, okay?” Trump told reporters while pointing to a laminated map of Delaware he claims “smells like secrets.” He then accused Biden of stuffing the birth certificate inside a vegan lasagna box during the Obama administration and misplacing it in a federally funded compost heap.
Personal Sacrifice and Search Efforts
“Frankly, I could’ve spent these 176 days golfing,” Trump lamented, “but I’ve been crawling through the National Archives with a flashlight and a lot of suspicion.” According to aides, Trump has also interrogated three librarians, two interns, and a White House janitor named Gary who insists he was just mopping.
Despite growing skepticism, Trump says the hunt continues. “We’re getting close. We’ve narrowed it down to either under Biden’s mattress or in Hunter’s laptop. Probably both.”
At press time, he was seen Googling “how to spell Kenya” on Melania’s iPad.
