NEED TO KNOW
- Elon Musk has launched the “America Party” in response to Trump’s megabill, calling it “budgetary fentanyl.”
- Within hours, Musk announced layoffs to “flatten the hierarchy,” leaving the party with three unpaid interns and a dog named Liberty.
- Trump responded by revoking Musk’s Taco Night invite at Mar-a-Lago, citing “disloyal vibes.”
The Launch Heard Round the Algorithm
In a holiday-weekend mic drop, Elon Musk declared independence from both parties by launching his own: the America Party. The billionaire made the announcement on X, formerly Twitter, which is also formerly stable. “It’s time to disrupt democracy,” Musk wrote, moments before tweeting a poll asking whether the party should be managed by AI.
Team of Rivals, Now Mostly Interns
The new political force lasted approximately six hours before Musk began “restructuring operations.” Sources say the campaign manager was replaced by an intern with a cool LinkedIn profile, while HR was handed to Grok, X’s barely-functioning chatbot. At press time, the national committee was meeting inside a WeWork with a broken Keurig.
Musk’s Platform: Fiscal Austerity, Wi-Fi on Mars
Key planks of the America Party include eliminating “all unnecessary government spending,” launching Space Force 2, and replacing Congress with Tesla shareholders. Musk also promised term limits, but only for people who “don’t believe in interdimensional risk.”
Trump Camp Responds with Passive-Aggressive Emoji
After learning of the new party, Trump posted a single gif of a sinking ship and later untagged Musk in several golf photos. Marjorie Taylor Greene called the move “un-American,” while Trump Jr. accused Musk of “trying to steal Dad’s thing where he says something unhinged and then pretends it’s a plan.”
Quote of the Moment
The America Party will be agile, efficient, and extremely online—until we pivot to something else next week
Elon Musk, CEO of Everything
