Washington, D.C. – Representative Lauren Boebert of Colorado has reached a significant milestone in her political career: she has officially filed her 100th set of articles of impeachment against President Joe Biden. Boebert, known for her fervent opposition to the Biden administration, celebrated the occasion with a lavish ceremony, complete with confetti cannons and a brass band playing a medley of “Hail to the Chief” and “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
“It’s an incredible achievement, folks,” Boebert declared, beaming with pride. “I am honored to have filed more articles of impeachment against President Biden than anyone in history. It’s a testament to my unwavering commitment to holding this president accountable for every single thing he does, even the things that aren’t impeachable.”
While the articles of impeachment have become somewhat of a routine for Boebert, with each set containing similar accusations ranging from “wearing tan suits” to “eating ice cream,” she insists that she is doing the work of the people.
“I wake up every morning and think, ‘How can I impeach Joe Biden today?'” Boebert explained. “I know there are some people who think I should focus on legislating or solving real problems, but that’s not my style. Impeachment is my love language, and I’m fluent in it.”
Boebert’s latest set of articles of impeachment lists a plethora of offenses, including Biden’s alleged failure to provide the proper snacks during White House press conferences and the suspicious choice of wallpaper in the Oval Office. Some of the more serious accusations include “excessive use of pronouns” and “unilateral decisions to wear socks that clash with his tie.”
Critics argue that Boebert’s repeated attempts to impeach Biden have no legal basis and are simply a waste of time and taxpayer money. Even some members of her own party have expressed their frustrations with her relentless pursuit of impeachment.
Representative Adam Kinzinger, a Republican from Illinois, issued a statement saying, “While I respect Representative Boebert’s passion, I believe it is important for us to focus on substantive issues that affect the American people. Filing baseless articles of impeachment detracts from our ability to work together and find common ground.”
Nevertheless, Boebert remains undeterred, vowing to continue filing articles of impeachment against Biden until her demands are met or until she runs out of creative accusations.
“I will not stop until Joe Biden is held accountable for all the unspeakable crimes he has committed, such as being a terrible role model for young children,” Boebert proclaimed, with a tear rolling down her cheek. “If that takes 200, 300, or even 1,000 sets of articles of impeachment, so be it. I’m in it for the long haul.”
As Boebert filed her 100th set of articles of impeachment, some bystanders couldn’t help but wonder if it was time for her to shift her focus to more pressing matters, like tackling the real challenges facing our nation. But for now, Boebert remains steadfast in her mission, eager to continue her seemingly endless crusade against President Biden.
