Former President Donald J. Trump has expressed a desire to voluntarily enter jail as a means of escaping the constant demands of his two oldest sons, Donald Jr. and Eric. Sources close to the situation suggest that Trump believes prison could provide him with the much-needed respite he seeks from his offspring’s antics.
The decision came as a shock to many, especially considering Trump’s usual proclivity for gold-plated amenities and opulent living. However, it seems that even the allure of extravagant golf courses and gilded toilet seats could no longer compete with the relentless barrage of “dad duties” that come with raising two adult sons whose main accomplishments seem to be their uncanny ability to sport the perfect combover.
“I just need some time for myself,” Trump reportedly lamented to his closest aides. “These boys are driving me crazy with their constant requests for advice on how to run fraudulent multi-million dollar businesses and how to maintain those iconic hairstyles. It’s exhausting!”
Rumors are swirling that Trump’s decision may have been influenced by a recent heart-to-heart talk with his close friend and former North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un. According to sources, Kim suggested that a stint in jail could be a “refreshing escape” and a “great way to take a break from adulting.” However, Trump vehemently denies that Kim’s advice played any role in his decision, instead blaming the liberal media for “twisting the truth.”
Meanwhile, legal experts are scratching their heads trying to determine the best way to accommodate Trump’s unique request. Some suggest that he could take advantage of an “exclusive spa retreat” within a federal penitentiary, complete with an all-you-can-eat diet of fast food and 24/7 access to a socialmedia-equipped smartphone.
Public reaction to the news has been mixed, with some praising Trump for his dedication to self-care and others criticizing him for seeking special treatment. Social media has exploded with a mixture of memes and hashtags, ranging from #JailGoals to #DaddyDonald.
As the legal proceedings unfold, it remains to be seen whether Trump’s “escape to jail” plan will come to fruition. One thing is for sure, though: if he does end up behind bars, he’ll be sure to have more free time to perfect his golf swing, brainstorm new reality TV show ideas, and finally figure out how to work that darn remote control.
