NEED TO KNOW
- Elon Musk claims Trump’s new spending bill undermines DOGE, the Department of Government Efficiency.
- DOGE’s sole accomplishment is firing 6,000 park rangers and replacing them with QR codes.
- Trump reportedly called Musk’s concerns “nerd stuff” and offered him a new title: Budget Czar Daddy.
Musk Says Bill Jeopardizes America’s Fiscal Freedom (and His Ego)
Elon Musk has expressed outrage that President Trump’s latest legislative proposal — a 14,000-page document reportedly dictated from a golf cart — threatens the integrity of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), a shadowy agency Musk invented after winning a bet with Peter Thiel.
“This bill is fiscally reckless,” Musk tweeted, “and by reckless, I mean it doesn’t eliminate Amtrak or the Postal Service, which are obviously socialist.” DOGE was formed in 2024 to streamline Government waste, mostly by turning national parks into crypto farms and selling the Library of Congress on Craigslist.
DOGE Has Done Nothing, and Elon Is Proud of That
Under Musk’s direction, DOGE successfully eliminated government-funded staplers, instituted a ‘Bring Your Own Lightbulb’ initiative, and fired 78% of federal custodians. “Efficiency is about thinking different,” said Musk while riding a Segway through an abandoned USDA building. “You know, like how I run Twitter now.”
DOGE’s budget this year was just 0.0004% of the Pentagon’s, yet Musk insists it “changed the entire culture of waste” — mostly by relocating NASA’s coffee machines to Mars.
Trump Responds With New Job Offer
President Trump, when asked about Musk’s criticism, waved it off. “Elon’s a smart cookie, but also a huge dork. We love him. But my bill is the best bill. It cuts waste by printing more money and not telling anyone,” said Trump. He reportedly offered Musk a new cabinet position called “Budget Czar Daddy” to patch things up.
Meanwhile, Trump’s bill slashes clean energy programs, expands military fireworks, and allocates $3 billion to rename the IRS “Trump Refunds.”
Quote of the Moment
DOGE has done more with zero results than any agency in history.
Elon Musk
