NEED TO KNOW
- Disney now runs Congress, bringing daily sing-alongs and cartoon-inspired dress codes to Washington, D.C.
- All new laws must include a joke and at least one cheerful musical number before they can be signed.
- The next government shutdown will only end after a House dance-off hosted by Mickey Mouse himself.
The Most Magical Government on Earth
Disney has bought the United States Congress. Washington is buzzing with excitement, confusion, and a little bit of fairy dust. Gone are the old days of boring meetings. Now, every congressional session begins with a musical number. The halls are alive with the sound of show tunes and the scent of popcorn.
Legislation With a Laugh Track
Lawmakers no longer drone through debates. Instead, they belt out catchy songs and trade jokes about tax brackets. If a new bill is too dull, the Disney staff will rewrite it with more laughter and at least one tap-dancing senator. Americans may finally enjoy watching C-SPAN, although nobody is sure if the voting is real or just part of the show.
Dress Code: Now With More Glitter
Every week, senators must show up dressed as a Disney character. On Tuesday, you might see the Senate floor full of Minnies, Goofys, and the occasional Ursula. This new rule boosts morale, but the Congressional Budget Office is already warning about a shortage of tiaras.
Resolving Gridlock, Disney Style
When politicians can’t agree, Goofy—the new Speaker—calls for a dance battle. If anyone filibusters, staff send them to It’s a Small World until they calm down. Some insiders hope this magical mayhem will help Congress finally get along, but most just want to avoid being turned into animated ducks.
Quote of the Moment
If you think Congress is dysfunctional now, wait until they all try to find their glass slippers
Disney Cast Member
