NEED TO KNOW
- Trump signs order to rename Department of Transportation the “Department of Trump”
- White House claims the rebrand will “streamline infrastructure and loyalty”
- Highways may soon feature toll booths shaped like gold-plated MAGA hats
Trump Paves the Way for Himself
President Donald Trump announced Friday that the Department of Transportation will now officially be known as the Department of Trump, insisting the old acronym DOT was “weak, boring, and very woke.” The move marks his 201st executive order and continues a recent streak of renamings designed to highlight himself while trimming what he calls “excess government fluff.”
Trump said the new title reflects the department’s true mission: making everything about him. “Transportation? Too many syllables. Trump? Perfect. When you see roads, airports, trains, you should think of Trump,” he told reporters, gesturing broadly toward a photo of Air Force One.
Infrastructure, But With Branding
According to the White House, official signage will be updated to read “Proudly Maintained by the Department of Trump.” Insiders suggest highway rest stops could be redesigned to feature fast-food menus curated personally by the president. Critics noted that bridge inspections may now involve more photo ops than structural testing.
Congress has not yet weighed in, though Trump assured skeptics that “everybody loves it, everybody wants this,” before pointing to his signature on a napkin and declaring it legally binding.
Cabinet Shakeup and Golden Asphalt
Trump also announced that the newly minted Department of Trump would be led by an appointee referred to only as “Chief Paver.” Rumors suggest candidates include Eric Trump, Kid Rock, and the CEO of Chick-fil-A.
The only thing scarier than potholes is realizing they now lead directly to Mar-a-Lago valet parking
Megan Caldwell, American Highway Users Alliance
Meanwhile, the administration claims renaming alone will save taxpayers $612.84 annually in ink costs, since “Trump” is shorter than “Transportation.” Trump boasted that the savings prove his fiscal genius, adding, “People are saying I’m the best at math.”
