Conservatives across the country are now boycotting their favorite brands of beer and whiskey because they have gone “woke”. Frustrated with the sudden influx of socially conscious marketing campaigns, many republicans have decided to take matters into their own hands and switch to sniffing glue instead of enjoying a beer or whiskey.
First, it was Hershey’s, then Bud Light, and now Jack Daniel’s has come under fire for its LGBTQ+ brand ambassador program featuring drag queens from Ru Paul’s Drag Race. The campaign, which is nearly two years old, has triggered a wave of outrage among those who feel that their beloved whiskey brand has strayed too far from its roots.
“Come on, Jack Daniel’s, stick to what you know best – making whiskey for people to enjoy!” tweeted one person on Twitter. “We don’t need drag queens telling us what’s cool or socially acceptable. We just want a good old-fashioned bottle of whiskey to share with our buddies.”
Other conservatives have taken a more radical approach, declaring that they will only drink brands that are “republican-friendly” and free from any affiliations with modern social causes. Some have even started sniffing glue as a way to show their displeasure with the current state of their beloved alcohol industry.
“It’s a sad day when people have to resort to sniffing glue to get their fix of the good stuff,” lamented one conservative. “But until these brands start listening to us and giving us what we want, we’ll just have to make do with the sniff kind.”
Despite the backlash, some people remain loyal to their favorite brands and are urging others to do the same. “Don’t let these woke people tell you what to do,” barked one proud supporter of Jack Daniel’s. “Stay true to your roots and enjoy your whiskey, no matter what anyone else thinks.”
One republican that wishes to remain anonymous said, “I just hope they don’t find the Elmer’s Glue ran a LGBTQ+ friendly ad, otherwise, I might have to be sober again.”
