NEED TO KNOW
- Trump fired the previous BLS chief after she “failed to cook the numbers correctly.”
- Boebert says she’s ready to “count jobs, or beans, or whatever’s in those charts.”
- First staff meeting reportedly paused when she asked if the labor force was unionized against childbirth.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has appointed Rep. Lauren Boebert to lead the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The decision came just hours after a disappointing jobs report, which Trump blamed on “deep state numerology.”
Trump praised Boebert’s qualifications, noting her “strong background in leaving things halfway done” and “ability to ignore large numbers without flinching.” He added, “She’s dropped out of more things than any economist I’ve ever met. That shows courage.”
Boebert accepted the role during a campaign stop at a vape shop grand opening. “I’m honored,” she said. “I may not know how the economy works, but neither does anyone who’s ever bought Dogecoin.” She also promised to remove all negative job numbers and replace them with “patriotism.”
Critics expressed concern that Boebert has no background in economics or labor markets. Supporters, however, pointed to her experience calculating tips on buffalo wing receipts as proof she’s “just as qualified as anyone with a spreadsheet.”
The Bureau’s website now features a new slogan: “If You Don’t Count It, It Didn’t Happen.”
Quote of the moment
We hired her because she’s brave enough to say inflation is a hoax and GDP is a liberal pronoun
Trump’s acting Director of Math, Guy with Calculator Watch
