NEED TO KNOW
- You no longer qualify for assistance, but still qualify for financial despair
- Your thermostat is set by shame, not comfort
- Congrats, your dream is now a Costco membership and working car battery
Your Microwave Has Its Own Drawer
You’ve officially made it when your microwave gets its own built-in cubby. No longer balancing precariously atop the fridge, it now lives in cabinetry—like an appliance with rights. That’s not just convenience, that’s class mobility.
You’re Now the Proud Owner of an Instant Pot
Boiling water on the stove is for amateurs. You’re pressure-cooking quinoa like a Jetsons character. Sure, it still tastes like cardboard, but now it’s artisanal cardboard made in 11 minutes flat.
Your Credit Score Is High Enough to Ruin You
You finally qualify—for debt. Whether it’s financing a couch or upgrading your phone with zero down, your credit limit has caught up to your ambition. You’ve arrived, just in time to pay interest on it.
You Complain About Groceries While Paying for Three Streaming Services
Nothing says economic confusion like gasping at egg prices while managing logins for Netflix, Max, and Disney+. You budget with a spreadsheet, but blow it on true crime documentaries and oat milk.
Your Air Fryer Has Replaced Religion
Gone are the Sunday sermons. Now you find salvation in crispy cauliflower and evenly-heated chicken tenders. The air fryer speaks, and you listen. Faith, rebranded at 400 degrees for 12 minutes.
Quote of the moment
My 401(k) has $217 in it, and I have three active streaming services
Amanda Gilbreth, proud lower-MIddle Class poor
