NEED TO KNOW
- Ex-Russian citizen flees political oppression, only to encounter an HOA with more rules than Moscow.
- He’s now facing fines for mailbox color, unapproved mulch, and “insufficiently festive wreath.”
- Calls U.S. HOAs “Putin’s dream with a newsletter.”
Freedom Was Just a Gated Community Away
Dmitri Ivanovich moved to America last year, hoping to escape the endless surveillance and control of life in Russia. Instead, he landed in a gated subdivision in central Florida run by an HOA so strict, he’s considering moving back to Siberia for the fresh air and looser leash laws.
“I thought I had escaped authoritarianism,” Dmitri said, staring solemnly at a citation taped to his garage for having a basketball hoop visible from the street. “But at least in Russia, they let you choose your own holiday lights.”
His American Dream began unraveling the moment he painted his shutters “Marina Blue” instead of the approved “Compliant Beige.” Within hours, an HOA board member emerged from a bush with a measuring tape and a clipboard.
Surveillance, Fines, and Patriotic Landscaping
“I was fined $75 because my lawn flamingos were ‘disruptive to the visual cohesion of the cul-de-sac,’” he said. “Back in Russia, that just gets you a stern glance. Here? You’re basically excommunicated.”
Dmitri’s neighbors routinely report each other for minor infractions like garbage bins left out past 8:01 a.m., mailboxes slightly tilted due to wind, and grass growing at an “unauthorized angle.” The HOA newsletter even includes a “Shame of the Month” section, complete with blurry ring camera footage.
The Florida Kremlin
“HOAs are not neighborhood groups,” Dmitri explained. “They are unelected governments with no term limits, unlimited power, and a passion for enforcing mulch color. This is not liberty, it’s lawn-based tyranny.”
When asked what freedom means to him now, Dmitri paused. “Freedom is being allowed to grill with charcoal. That’s banned here too.”
He’s currently writing a memoir tentatively titled From Putin to Property Management: One Man’s Escape From Authoritarianism to Something Worse.
Quote of the Moment
In Russia, they monitored your politics. In Florida, they monitor your garbage can rotation schedule
Dmitri, HOA exile and reluctant lawn revolutionary
