NEED TO KNOW
- Trump’s IRS cuts removed 26,000 staffers, mainly the ones who know how to spell “shell company.”
- Audits will now focus on people who paid cash for a 2012 Kia Soul or wrote off a laptop they actually used.
- Wealthy taxpayers will receive a complimentary “Pre-Cleared” audit badge, now with Mar-a-Lago watermark technology.
President Donald Trump slashed the IRS workforce by 25%, removing thousands of revenue agents and examiners who previously audited the wealthy. The remaining staff will now specialize in chasing down missing Venmo payments from dog walkers and Etsy shop owners. A new agency motto was unveiled: “If your rent’s over 40% of your income, we’re coming for you.”
The White House praised the downsizing as a “freedom-enhancing restructuring.” Treasury officials said the IRS is finally free from the tyranny of Excel spreadsheets with more than one tab. Instead, staffers will rely on vibes, dice rolls, and tips from neighborhood watch groups to assign audits.
Critics claim the agency now lacks the muscle to go after complex tax fraud. However, Trump allies argue that’s exactly the point. “Why target offshore accounts when Brenda in St. Louis deducted $200 in work shoes?” said acting IRS director Skip Henderson, who previously ran a Chick-fil-A franchise audit department.
One insider revealed the IRS audit algorithm now flags returns with too many vowels in the last name or unexplained DoorDash write-offs.
Quote of the moment
I haven’t seen this many rich people dodge scrutiny since Epstein’s client list got ‘accidentally’ paper-shredded at Mar-a-Lago
Bev Troutman, Former IRS Auditor and Current Uber Driver
