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WASHINGTON, DC — Members of Congress erupted in applause this week after President Donald Trump announced a federal takeover of the city’s police force, citing a long-overdue effort to protect their “hardworking constituents” — by which they meant their escorts.
For decades, lawmakers have expressed frustration with the risks of navigating DC’s crime-ridden streets when traveling between “private bipartisan briefings” and their taxpayer-funded apartments. Trump assured them those days are over, promising that no elected official should “have to risk getting robbed by real criminals” while enjoying what he described as “the finest companionship money can buy.”
Senator Mitch McConnell praised the move as “an important step toward ensuring legislative continuity,” explaining that unexpected muggings often forced him to cancel essential midnight meetings at upscale hotels. Meanwhile, Speaker Mike Johnson stressed the measure was “not about personal convenience,” adding that it was about “making sure Congress can work hard for the American people without any unnecessary… distractions.”
Still, critics argued that if the administration really wanted to curb DC crime, the first raids should probably happen on Capitol Hill. As one local activist put it, “The escorts aren’t the problem. The clients are.”
Every American should feel safe, but especially those drafting the laws the rest of us have to follow, said Trump
