Vice President JD Vance broke the Senate tie on Trump’s megabill, then asked what the bill was. Experts say that tracks.…
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Donald Trump has banned Elon Musk from Mar-a-Lago’s Taco Night after a megabill snub, sparking a political-tech feud involving drones, PACs, and deep paranoia.…
New research confirms you’ve officially made it to the lower-middle class if you own a Bluetooth air fryer and spend 17% of your income on flavored seltzers.…
Senators accidentally passed the Bible as federal law after dozens of sleepless votes. Clerks are unsure whether to file it under Religious Statutes or Historical Fiction.…
NBA Announces New “Player Parlay Program” After Realizing Everyone’s Already Betting Anyway
2 mins read
After Malik Beasley was linked to suspicious betting, the NBA unveiled a groundbreaking program allowing players to bet on themselves—officially this time.…
Elon Musk’s sprawling family has reached federal recognition status, earning its own protected designation as a National Forest.…
Disney Denies Ride Entry to Woman in Sports Bra, Husband Banished for Excessive Muscle Tone
2 mins read
A couple’s day at Disney World took a turn when a sports bra sparked a dress code standoff and her husband’s tank top muscles caused additional emotional turbulence.…
In a 6–3 ruling, the Supreme Court has officially selected Arby’s for lunch, declaring meat a constitutional right and throwing soup-sippers into judicial chaos.…
The Supreme Court backs Texas’ porn ID law, creating the world’s first digital strip search to protect minors from seeing what their gym teachers wear in summer.…
Trump’s latest trade agreement triples tariffs on U.S. consumers while letting China off the hook, an economic strategy now known as “patriotic masochism.”…
A UC Davis study found lead levels in some disposable vapes equivalent to 19 packs of cigarettes. Experts say it’s like inhaling a melted penny wrapped in a fruit roll-up.…
Microsoft says goodbye to the blue screen of death and hello to a black one, now featuring quicker restarts and passive-aggressive commentary from “Dark Lord Clippy.”…

Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson