In a move inspired by the success of the pitch clock in Major League Baseball, a local grocery store in Missouri has introduced an order clock at its deli counter. The innovative new system has already reduced average order times by a whopping 45 seconds.…
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A stay-at-home dad in California has announced his intention to run for office in order to change legislation that he feels is treating him unfairly. The man, who has not been named, reportedly became upset when he realized that he could not be laid off…
Italian plumbers around the world have banded together to cancel the iconic Super Mario Brothers movie. The reason? According to the plumbers, the movie is a grossly inaccurate portrayal of their profession and perpetuates negative stereotypes about their mustaches. “We’re sick and tired of being…
Mar-a-Lago, Florida – An active eater situation has emerged at Mar-a-Lago, with reports suggesting that the former President of the United States, Donald Trump, has been indulging in a marathon eating session. According to eyewitnesses, the well-dressed, spray orange-tinted man sat down at a table…
Former news anchor and losing Republican candidate for Arizona governor, Kari Lake, was caught by the police for driving on a highway without wearing a seatbelt travelling at a high rate of speed. When asked about her reckless behavior by the officer, Lake reportedly stated…
Gwyneth Paltrow’s company Goop has announced that it will be selling snowflakes to customers from the Deer Valley Resort in Park City. This comes on the heels of Paltrow’s recent legal win, in which a Utah court dismissed a lawsuit against her for a skiing…
In a recent social media post, former President Donald Trump has criticized Jill Biden’s decision to invite the losing NCAA Women’s basketball team, the Iowa Hawkeyes, to the White House along with the LSU Tigers, who won the tournament. According to Trump, “You have to…
New York, NY – Former President Donald Trump’s arraignment in Manhattan may have caused some tension, but it had an unexpected outcome: New York City residents coming together to tell Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene to leave. Greene, a Republican Congresswoman from Georgia, had come to…
Chicago, IL – On a Rowdy Tuesday Evening at Ed Debevic’s, a woman appropriately named Karen managed to make the entire staff cry with her incessant demands and entitled attitude. Witnesses say that Karen, a self-proclaimed “foodie” with a Yelp account, arrived at the diner…
In a shocking incident that left the residents of Montana in disbelief, a freight train carrying beer derailed in the early hours of the morning. According to eyewitnesses, the train was carrying a shipment of Coors Light and Blue Moon beer, which spilled into the…
EXCLUSIVE: West Palm Beach, Florida – Former President Donald Trump will be taking to the skies on his luxurious plane, Trump Force One, from West Palm Beach Airport to New York City to surrender himself as part of the conditions agreed upon on his recent…
In a bold move to appeal to younger generations with a shorter attention span, the popular newsmagazine “60 Minutes” is set to be rebranded as “60 Seconds”. The new format will condense the hard-hitting news stories that have been the hallmark of “60 Minutes” into…
Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson