Trump blames Biden for not locating Obama’s birth certificate, citing deep state filing cabinets and suspicious lasagna boxes.…
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Trump Declares ‘Epstein Never Existed,’ Cites New Memo ‘Written by God, Proofread by Jesus’
2 mins read
Trump shocks the world, declaring Epstein imaginary and blaming 5G towers, windmills, and beer for widespread delusion.…
Elmo Hack Traced to Oscar the Grouch After Trash Can Wi-Fi Exposed as ‘Unsecured Public Network’
3 mins read
Elmo’s wholesome X account was hijacked by a rogue user spewing hate. Sources now blame Oscar the Grouch and his unsecured trash-can Wi-Fi.…
Fans Boo President Trump at FIFA Final, He Orders Booing Section Deported to ‘Alligator Alcatraz’
2 mins read
After fans booed President Trump at the FIFA Club World Cup Final, he responded by ordering them deported to a Florida swamp facility dubbed Alligator Alcatraz.…
The honeymoon is over, and so is marital peace, after one couple introduces a third decorative pillow into their living room.…
Vice President JD Vance’s strange Disneyland jog has been classified as a new species of movement, somewhere between a duckling and a haunted marionette.…
New Romance Sparks Concern Among Friends as Jennifer Aniston Allegedly Believes She’s a Golden Retriever
3 mins read
Jennifer Aniston’s new romance takes an unexpected turn as she reportedly believes she’s a Golden Retriever thanks to her hypnotist boyfriend. Friends are deeply confused but cautiously supportive.…
After backlash to the new Superman film, President Trump demands a version featuring himself punching the IRS and deporting undocumented Kryptonians.…
Harold Menzies begins every day by fixing household items that aren't broken. His wife, Marlene, has started hiding tools in self-defense.…
President Trump says Rosie O'Donnell may lose her citizenship for “colluding with hurricanes,” suggesting a trade to Ireland in exchange for Guinness and a snack cake.…
Dan Bongino and Pam Bondi settle a high-stakes Epstein tape dispute the old-fashioned way—with flintlock pistols, bruised egos, and absolutely no answers.…
Nation watches as local dad Ron Daley mows shirted, defying expectations and basic meteorology.…

Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson