The staunchly conservative members of the Freedom Caucus have issued a call for a nationwide boycott of calendars in protest against the upcoming June Pride Month. Citing concerns about the “assault on straight timekeeping,” the Caucus argues that displaying Pride Month on calendars undermines the…
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Orlando, FL – The happiest place on Earth has become a hotbed of controversy as conservatives find themselves scandalized by a woman daring to wear pants while working at Disney World. The incident, which took place yesterday at the iconic theme park, has ignited a…
Chick-fil-A, the beloved fast-food chain known for its crispy and succulent chicken, has announced a groundbreaking decision that is sure to shake up the poultry industry. After hiring a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) Director, the company has unveiled plans to serve both white meat…
NASA has announced the existence of intelligent extraterrestrial life forms actively seeking Earth citizenship. These otherworldly beings, affectionately referred to as “UFOs” by Earthlings, have allegedly expressed an overwhelming desire to participate in popular reality TV shows. Experts at NASA are scrambling to comprehend this…
a seemingly ordinary school field trip to the local zoo took an uproarious twist when the resident animals staged a protest demanding equal rights. The incident, which unfolded yesterday at the Pleasantville Zoo, left both students and teachers bewildered and in stitches. The day started…
The nation’s leaders have finally reached a deal on the ever-looming debt ceiling crisis. After weeks of intense negotiations, finger-pointing, and head-scratching, the men and women in Washington have found a solution that satisfies everyone’s insatiable thirst for blame. The new agreement, lovingly dubbed the…
In a stunning display of progressive linguistics, liberals have unveiled a groundbreaking new term to replace the allegedly non-inclusive word “boycott.” The term, dubbed “nonconformity celebration,” aims to eliminate any perceived gender bias in the language of activism. The announcement was made during an extraordinary…
Conservatives across the nation have found themselves in a quandary after exhausting their repertoire of companies to boycott. In a bid to express their dissent, these individuals have resorted to an unlikely fashion trend: donning potato sacks as the latest symbol of their ideological stance.…
Texas Enforces Mandatory Ten Commandments Movie Screenings for Students: “Thou Shalt Watch…Forever!”
Austin, TX – In a stunning display of reverence for the divine, Texas lawmakers have recently passed a groundbreaking law that mandates all students in public schools to watch the timeless cinematic masterpiece, “The Ten Commandments,” every year from kindergarten to twelfth grade. This bold…
Aimed at promoting inclusivity and honoring a wider range of influential individuals, Democrats have put forth an extraordinary proposal to expand Mount Rushmore. The plan, led by progressive politicians, suggests the inclusion of real historical figures alongside the existing presidents already carved into the monument.…
Atlanta, Georgia – In a stunning move that has left historians scratching their heads, elected officials in Georgia have put forth a controversial proposal to rewrite all history books used in the state’s schools. Their goal? To replace any references to Black and Native Americans…
In a recent interview, renowned tech entrepreneur and Tesla CEO, Elon Musk, made waves on social media by declaring that it is “unethical” for a stay-at-home parent to care for their children while the other parent works. Musk’s provocative stance has ignited a fierce debate…
Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson