President Trump’s legs have swelled from an apparent overdose of “American pride,” prompting medics to diagnose the phenomenon as Patriotic Obstruction Syndrome.…
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Trump Appoints Diddy as Special Prosecutor for Epstein Files, Cites “Bad Boy for Life” as Proof of Tenacity
2 mins read
In a surprise move, President Trump named Sean “Diddy” Combs as Special Prosecutor to handle the Epstein files, claiming his “Bad Boy energy” would expose the truth faster than any Senate committee.…
White House Says Americans Can Still Get Educational Content From YouTube Comments and Joe Rogan Clips
2 mins read
Trump defunds PBS and NPR, declares war on puppet-based learning. Big Bird to retrain as HVAC tech.…
Coca-Cola to Release ‘Founders Formula’ After Trump Suggests Original Recipe Was “Peak Capitalism”
2 mins read
After a Trump Truth Social post praising the 1886 Coca-Cola recipe, the soda giant announces Founders Formula: vintage glass, real sugar, and “definitely not cocaine.”…
Trump: “We Have Zero Inflation, Zero Border Crossings, and Zero Epstein Clients. You’re Welcome.”
3 mins read
Trump says there are zero Epstein clients, zero inflation, and zero illegal crossings. “That’s not denial,” he explained, “that’s patriotism.”…
Chicago Sky announces Angel Reese will now play all five positions after another dominant performance, calling her “the only operational department we have.”…
Trump Disavows Epstein Truthers: “I Only Want the Support of Gullible Idiots Who Don’t Read or Think”
2 mins read
Trump calls Epstein story a Democrat hoax, declares he no longer wants the support of followers “who read too much.” MAGA influencers spiral.…
Trump shocked religious leaders at a White House luncheon by proclaiming himself the 13th Apostle, calling Judas “a weak closer” and referencing $1.95 gas during prayer.…
Trump Says Powell’s Office Upgrade Is ‘Fireable Offense’ — Also Demands Gold Toilet in White House Bathrooms
3 mins read
Trump calls Powell’s $2.5B Fed remodel a fireable offense, then demands a gold toilet and velvet bidet for the White House.…
Trump orders the destruction of 500 tons of emergency food. USAID is gone, replaced by a biscuit bonfire and a new food czar named Brad who once managed a Taco Bell.…
Charlie Kirk Declares Himself ‘Done Talking About Epstein,’ Receives Treat and Head Pat from Trump
2 mins read
After ranting about Epstein all weekend, Charlie Kirk suddenly ends discussion following a phone call from Trump—and appears fully domesticated.…
Congress Declares Epstein Files ‘Too Real,’ Switches to Investigating UFOs and Taylor Swift Instead
2 mins read
Ghislaine Maxwell offers to testify on Epstein’s clients, but GOP leaders table the issue to chase easier headlines and alien sightings.…

Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson