In a revelation that could only be described as the plot of a poorly written political thriller, it’s come to light that…
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In a landmark decision that could only make sense in a world where unicorns manage Wall Street, the Supreme Court has ruled that former President Donald J. Trump enjoys immunity from criminal prosecution for actions taken during his presidency. This ruling, which seems to have…
Click to Keep ReadingSteve Bannon’s turn-in to Danbury federal prison on Monday was a cacophony of chaos, complete with cowbells, chants, and the irrepressible Anarchy Princess. Bannon, sentenced to four months for contempt of Congress related to his role in the January 6, 2021, Capitol insurrection, faced a…
Click to Keep ReadingIn today’s hyperconnected world, the idea of a digital detox sounds great – until you realize it involves actual effort. Meditation, mindfulness, and setting boundaries? Who has time for that? Instead of rearranging your life, why not just move somewhere where Wi-Fi is as elusive…
Click to Keep ReadingNFL Flexes Bears-Broncos Game to Wednesday Afternoon Slot Due to “Collective Mediocrity”
NEW YORK — In an unprecedented move, the NFL announced today that the upcoming Bears-Broncos game, originally set for primetime on Monday night, will now be relegated to a Wednesday afternoon slot at 2:15 pm. NFL executives insist this is to “ensure the game wraps…
Click to Keep ReadingWASHINGTON D.C. – Just when we thought the digital age couldn’t get more unpredictable, Donald Trump Jr.’s X (formerly Twitter) account saga takes a sharp, jet-fueled turn. Fresh from lamenting his “hacked” social media account which falsely announced the passing of his father, Don Jr.…
Click to Keep ReadingWASHINGTON (Satire News) — Riding on the wave of the Senate’s recent relaxation of the dress code, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert has submitted an official request to the House Speaker’s office to don a cocktail dress during congressional sessions, with a twist—she’s also suggesting that cocktail…
Click to Keep ReadingRICHMOND, VA – Susanna Gibson, Virginia’s Democratic candidate for the House of Delegates, found herself defending videos she posted online where she and her husband partake in intimate activities for “tips” to support “good causes”. Her campaign’s new slogan? “Streaming for your dreams.” Leading Democratic…
Click to Keep ReadingBoebert Exits “Beetlejuice” Musical After Yelling “Beetlejuice” Thrice; Venue Officials Mystified
DENVER, CO – In an unexpected twist at a Sunday performance of the iconic “Beetlejuice” musical, U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert was ceremoniously ushered out of the theater, not for the previously reported disturbances of vaping and recording but, in fact, for committing the grave error…
Click to Keep ReadingMcCarthy Unveils Plans to Launch Impeachment Inquiry Against Biden, Citing Irrefutable Evidence of Tie Wear
WASHINGTON, D.C. – House Speaker Kevin McCarthy made headlines this Tuesday by announcing his endorsement for a formal impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden. The ground-breaking reason? Sources reveal that Biden might have worn the same tie twice within a week. The momentum for the…
Click to Keep ReadingThe secret to immortality and building wealth? Just keep running for office! WASHINGTON – In a stunning revelation that has experts stumped, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, at the ripe age of 83, has not only announced her intention to run for her congressional seat in…
Click to Keep ReadingRepublicans Propose Redefining “Pro-Life” to Mean “Fan of All Living Things Except Plants…And Mosquitoes”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Republican party has recently proposed to redefine the term “pro-life.” The new definition will encompass anyone who is a “fan of all living things, except plants… and mosquitoes.” Party insiders claim that this rebranding is part of a broader effort to…
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Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson