cientists confirm the Earth is still round. America demands an audit, a drone shot, and someone named Kyle to double-check.…
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America just raced hot dogs around the Indy 500 track. The world looked on in horror. America asked if they wanted ketchup with that.…
Marjorie Taylor Greene argued with an AI chatbot about her Christianity and lost. The AI didn’t even have to pray about it.…
Trump Holds Up Congo Massacre Photo to Prove South African Genocide, World Stares Blankly
5 mins read
Trump accused South Africa of white genocide using a Congo war photo, proving once again that foreign policy is now just a tab in his browser.…
Kermit the Frog Delivers Commencement Address, Immediately Defunded by Trump Administration
4 mins read
Kermit the Frog inspires graduates, Trump defunds PBS, and somewhere Big Bird is being audited. Just another Thursday in America.…
Treasury Secretary Announces Support for Digital Assets Right After Monetizing Trump’s Meme Coin
4 mins read
Treasury Secretary says Trump is “going big” on digital assets, right after Trump threw a gala for people who bought his meme coin. Regulatory clarity now comes with a side of garlic mashed potatoes.…
Texas plans to ban all THC products by September, because gummies are the real threat, not property taxes or a functioning electrical grid.…
Jurors Gag as Diddy’s Cheeseburger Applesauce Habit Exposed in Court: “It Was the Real Crime”
5 mins read
Diddy’s trial takes a turn as jurors learn he puts applesauce on cheeseburgers. At least one gagged.…
Trump threatens Apple with tariffs unless it builds iPhones in America, proving once again he understands manufacturing the same way toddlers understand cloud storage.…
Trump Removes Solar Tax Credits in Big Beautiful Bill, Cites Longstanding Feud With the Sun
6 mins read
Trump cuts solar tax credits in his Big Beautiful Bill, finally settling his grudge against the sun for daring to shine too brightly in 2017.…
Kid Declares Bankruptcy After Spree at Gum ball Machine, Demands Federal Bailout in Quarters
3 mins read
Kid burns through savings on gum balls, files bankruptcy in crayon, now seeking bailout in coins and cuddles.…
Trump Revokes Harvard’s Foreign Students, Cites National Security Threat of Being Too Smart
4 mins read
Trump administration pulls plug on Harvard’s foreign students, citing too much international thinking and not enough ‘America First’ GPA curves.…

Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper the media. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle.
-Thomas Jefferson