NEED TO KNOW
- Trump claims he “aced” the Presidential Fitness Test, despite no one asking or keeping score
- White House press pool reports he ate a Filet-O-Fish mid-sit-up
- Fitness officials say they’ve never seen anyone do push-ups while demanding applause
President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he not only reinstated the Presidential Fitness Test but personally achieved what he called a “perfect score that doctors are stunned by.” Standing next to NFL players and visibly sweating through his red tie, Trump said he completed the test “better than any president, better than Lincoln, and I don’t even think Lincoln did one pull-up.”
When asked for details, Trump explained he did “all the classics” — a five-second jog, two arm circles, and “the longest presidential handshake in fitness history.” According to sources, he then pointed at a barbell and said, “You know I could lift that, right?” before moving on.
Officials from the Council on Sports, Fitness and Nutrition remained quiet but visibly distressed. One anonymous staffer admitted, “He ran the shuttle drill in golf spikes. Then tried to trade the stopwatches for Trump Steaks.”
Trump later posted on Truth Social: “Crushed the sit-ups. Floor begged me to stop. America’s abs are back!”
Quote of the moment
We’ve never seen anyone do push-ups, then demand the floor thank him
Senior Council Member, Presidential Fitness Board
