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- RFK Jr., now leading HHS, celebrates 1,500 measles cases as “proof Americans trust their gut, not doctors.”
- Trump praises the plan, calling it “the best outbreak, maybe ever, very patriotic.”
- Hospitals urged to replace vaccines with healing crystals and inspirational podcasts.
Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced a sweeping new initiative this week after the United States confirmed over 1,500 measles cases, calling the outbreak “a victory for holistic immune freedom.” The “Catch It to Beat It” campaign, which he says will “restore medical liberty and maybe herd immunity,” encourages Americans to get sick “the old-fashioned way, through hugs and aerosols.”
Faith, Fevers, and Freedom
Standing beside President Donald Trump at a press briefing, RFK Jr. declared the outbreak “an inspiring comeback for classic childhood diseases.” He explained the program will “reconnect Americans with their immune systems” by replacing mandatory vaccines with “optional sniff-sharing ceremonies and vitamin D blessings.”
According to new HHS guidance, hospitals will soon offer “freedom-based care options,” including homeopathy tents, kombucha IVs, and prayer circles shaped like antibodies. Trump praised the plan as “very strong, very natural, much better than Fauci shots, which made everyone weak and woke.”
Doctors Alarmed, But RFK Jr. Remains Unvaccinated and Unbothered
Medical professionals have condemned the policy, citing increased risks of hospitalization and death. Kennedy waved off concerns, saying, “Every great nation is built on suffering. Why not start with rashes?” He added that children recovering from measles “build character, discipline, and anti-pharma resilience.”
Critics warn the program could overwhelm hospitals, but the administration has reassured the public that “faith and elderberry syrup will get us through.” When asked about long-term immunity, RFK Jr. responded, “If your kid survives, they’re basically a superhero. That’s science.”
Future phases of “Catch It to Beat It” include patriotic infection fairs, where attendees can trade germs “like Pokémon cards” and compete in a “Fever Freedom 5K.” The HHS website will also feature a “Sneeze Tracker” map so citizens can find local outbreaks and “join the movement.”
Asked whether the President supported mandatory illness, Trump smiled: “We’re not forcing anyone to get measles, but people are catching on. It’s freedom. It’s beautiful.”
You don’t beat disease by avoiding it. You beat it by sharing it.
Dr. Freedom Sage, Natural Immunity PAC
