NEED TO KNOW
- RFK Jr.’s MAHA-branded gummies recalled after FDA found them to be 100% snake oil.
- Campaign insists they still “boost DNA integrity” and “make your aura pop.”
- FDA clarifies: “These are literally melted candles with artificial lemon flavor.”
A Gummy Too Far
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s “Make America Healthy Again” campaign hit a snag this week after his flagship Wellness gummies were recalled nationwide. Independent testing by the FDA confirmed that the lemon-flavored chewables, marketed as DNA “restructuring aids,” contained no vitamins, minerals, or anything remotely helpful. Instead, the gummies tested positive for what regulators officially described as “snake oil, candle wax, and sadness.”
Claims vs. Chemistry
Despite the recall, Kennedy’s campaign doubled down, insisting the gummies still “work on a spiritual level.” A spokesperson explained that the product “doesn’t need FDA approval because the body recognizes truth.” Consumers were advised that while the gummies may not cure autoimmune disorders, they can “absolutely make your aura pop under blacklight.”
From Rally Merch to Recall Notice
The gummies had become a staple at MAHA rallies, where Kennedy tossed them into the crowd like T-shirts at an NBA game. Fans said the gummies “taste like hope” and “go great with raw milk and mistrust of 5G.” The recall, however, now forces the campaign to swap them out with emergency shipments of “RFK-branded beet chews,” which promise to “reverse hair loss caused by talking to Bill Gates on Zoom.”
Market Impact
Nutrition analysts predict the gummy recall could dent Kennedy’s wellness credibility, though insiders note that his supporters never cared about ingredients. “If RFK Jr. handed out gravel and called it immunity rocks, they’d still sell out,” one analyst said. The FDA is now urging MAHA customers to seek medical attention if they experience dizziness, excessive glow, or a sudden desire to mistrust clouds.
These gummies had as much nutritional value as a scented candle at Bath & Body Works
Janet Mulligan, FDA Office of Snake Oil Prevention
