NEED TO KNOW
- Trump unveils “TruthTrade,” a MAGA-exclusive stock app that syncs with his social posts
- Users get alerts like “BUY BIGLY” and “SELL LIBERAL GARBAGE” in real time
- Marjorie Taylor Greene debuts as face of “TruthTrade Gold+,” offering tips from a throne
Trump Monetizes Market Volatility With New Trading App
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has announced the launch of TruthTrade, a first-of-its-kind MAGA-only investing platform that lets users buy and sell stocks based entirely on his tariff announcements, late-night Truth Social posts, and general mood fluctuations.
“People always say I move the markets. Well now I’m letting them move with me,” Trump said from the Oval Office, flanked by gold drapes and a slide deck labeled “NASDAQ But Patriotic.”
The app syncs directly with Trump’s Truth Social account. When he posts phrases like “BE COOL” or “FAKE ECONOMY,” the app automatically triggers curated trade suggestions like “Buy Fertilizer Stocks” or “Dump Anything Woke.”
How It Works: Trading the Trump Way
According to the app’s FAQ, TruthTrade scans each Trump post for coded financial guidance. Users can subscribe to packages like “Tariff Watch,” “Steel Surge,” or the ultra-premium “Gut Feelings Algorithm,” which comes with a custom Trump bobblehead that nods every time the S&P 500 moves more than 1%.
“This isn’t insider trading. It’s outsider greatness,” said campaign advisor and former Panda Express franchisee Rick Bellows. “It’s like Reddit, but everyone’s already angry and holding gold.”
MTG Offers Premium Stock Picks From a Throne
Marjorie Taylor Greene has been named brand ambassador for TruthTrade Gold+, the app’s premium tier. Wearing a sequined flag dress and seated atop a throne made of shredded IRS documents, Greene now hosts a weekly livestream called “Margeket Watch.”
“This week I’m bullish on ammo, powdered eggs, and any company that sells camo recliners,” Greene said during her debut segment. She ended by ringing a Liberty Bell-shaped cowbell and shouting, “Don’t just vote red — trade red!”
TruthTrade already has 230,000 downloads and has been banned from both Apple’s and Google’s app stores. It is now available exclusively on USB drives sold from select Bass Pro Shops parking lots.
Critics Cry Foul as App Gains Steam
Financial watchdogs have raised concerns that the app encourages ethically murky behavior. “It’s a real-time insider information pipeline with a bald eagle logo,” said Dylan Hedtler-Gaudette of the Project on Government Oversight. “We’ve moved from conflict of interest to conflict-as-a-service.”
Despite the backlash, Trump remains confident. “This is the future of investing. No more woke Wall Street. Just real Americans, making real money, from real posts.”
Quote of the moment
You can’t spell ‘portfolio’ without ‘patriot’ if you spell it wrong
Donald J. Trump
