NEED TO KNOW
- Local mom told her family they were leaving “in five minutes” for a birthday party.
- The family actually left 47 minutes later after a series of last-minute tasks.
- Dad reportedly stood by the door holding the car keys in complete silence.
“Five Minutes” Used As Theoretical Concept
FAIRVIEW HEIGHTS — A local family discovered once again that “we’re leaving in five minutes” does not mean anything close to five actual minutes. The phrase, delivered by mom Jessica Miller at 1:15 p.m., marked the beginning of a 47-minute multi-step departure ritual that included digging for socks, applying emergency sunscreen and re-packing a snack bag that “didn’t feel balanced enough.”
According to witnesses, none of these tasks were mentioned until after the initial five-minute warning. Instead, four separate rounds of “Do you have your shoes?” and “Why is your jacket wet?” were triggered in rapid succession.
Dad Fully Ready, Quietly Observing Everything
Family sources confirm that dad Brian Miller waited near the front door for most of the process. He held the keys in one hand and quietly nodded as additional delays appeared out of nowhere. At one point, he reportedly said, “Whenever you’re ready,” which did nothing to speed up the process.
Meanwhile, the family’s youngest child changed outfits twice, the oldest remembered a school permission slip that “needed to be signed right now,” and Jessica decided the dishwasher “couldn’t be left dirty or we’ll come home to bugs.”
Departure Finally Achieved
The family officially left the house at 2:02 p.m., roughly 32 minutes after the birthday party had already started. All four family members then returned to the house again because “someone left their water bottle inside.” They departed for a second time at 2:06 p.m.
I said five minutes. I just didn’t say which five minutes
Jessica Miller, mother of two
