Trump Says He’s Too Successful for a Third Term, Opts for Reality TV Glory Instead

President Donald Trump stunned supporters and confused enemies on Monday by announcing he will not seek a Third Term, citing “unprecedented success” during his second. “We did everything,” Trump declared at a rally in Ohio. “World peace, low oil prices, airstrikes, revenge — honestly, what’s left? I’m so ahead of schedule I might fire myself.”

From Commander-in-Chief to Reality-in-Chief

Rather than endorse a successor, Trump revealed plans to return to television with a reboot of his hit show *The Apprentice*, this time called *The Apprentice: MAGA Edition*. According to insiders, contestants will compete for the coveted title of “Deputy Press Secretary slash Personal Golf Cart Driver.” Each week’s challenge involves surviving a press conference, dodging subpoenas, and defending tariffs without blinking.

White House as a Soundstage

Staffers claim Trump has already begun transforming the West Wing into a reality show set. The Roosevelt Room now includes a confessional booth, and the Situation Room is being rebranded as the “Elimination Chamber.” Contestants will face tasks like “Trade War Roulette” and “Defend Me on Twitter While Under Oath.” Aides say Melania has agreed to appear once per season, “but only in hologram.”

No Third Term, Just Third Act

Critics are skeptical about Trump’s claims of early retirement, noting he made similar promises after being impeached the second time. However, sources close to the former president say he’s serious. “He wants a real legacy,” one advisor explained. “And apparently, that legacy includes giving Don Jr. a spin-off called *The Intern*.”

Quote of the moment

I’ve already been the greatest president twice. It’s time to be the greatest TV star again.

Donald Trump