NEED TO KNOW
- Kimmel suspended for telling jokes not cleared by federal laugh board
- FCC says new humor licensing system will “streamline chuckles for national unity”
- Trump rumored to approve only knock-knock jokes about Hillary Clinton
The Trump administration rolled out its most unusual reform yet: a federal system to license comedy. After ABC affiliates pulled Jimmy Kimmel off the air, the FCC declared that all jokes must now be cleared through a new agency called the Department of Homeland Laughs.
New Rules for Comedy
FCC chairman Brendan Carr praised the suspension of Kimmel, calling it “a reset for the comedy economy.” He argued that viewers in Utah and Pennsylvania “should not have to watch humor that hurts our national mood.” From now on, jokes about Trump’s hair, his court cases, or Epstein will be classified as acts of sabotage. Knock-knock jokes about Hunter Biden, however, will be considered tax deductible.
Critics warned that the new system looks like state-run comedy. Carr pushed back and said it will make humor “stronger, safer, and more responsive to the American people.” As part of the rollout, every comedian must submit punchlines in advance to federal reviewers. The reviewers, appointed by Trump, will grade each joke on a scale of “Patriotic” to “Treason.”
Late Night on Notice
Officials confirmed that Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers could face investigations next. “It’s about time,” one Trump aide said, “late-night hosts should stop with their so-called jokes and focus on leading applause breaks for the President.” To help, the FCC unveiled a state-approved comedy handbook titled Laughs for Liberty, edited by Mike Lindell and ghostwritten by Kid Rock. It features 600 “Yo Mama” jokes, each ending with “She voted Democrat.”
A Nation United in Laughter
Supporters argue the “One Joke Policy” will unify the nation. Detractors warn it could strangle comedy entirely. Yet Trump appeared thrilled, telling Fox that America is finally “laughing the right way.”
We always knew the revolution would start with a dad joke
Pat Rice, National Humor Licensing Bureau
