NEED TO KNOW
- Patrick outraged over halftime show not featuring Kid Rock or Ford trucks
- Bad Bunny to perform, speak, and exist in Spanish — un-American, according to Patrick
- Trump campaign rumored to be lobbying for Monster Jam to headline next year
Former racecar driver and part-time cultural referee Danica Patrick stirred outrage this week after declaring that Bad Bunny should not perform at the Super Bowl unless he sings in English. The former NASCAR star made the remark after learning the Puerto Rican artist would headline the 2026 halftime show.
Patrick posted her comments on X, calling the decision “a direct threat to Bud Light, apple pie, and the National Anthem remix I assume exists.” She included an eye-roll emoji, which she later described as “a symbol of patriotic disapproval.”
Super Bowl of Snowflakes
“It’s not that I dislike other cultures,” Patrick explained on her podcast Unpitstoppable. “I just think halftime shows should focus on trucks, heartbreak, or bald eagles. Maybe throw in a Ford commercial.”
Bad Bunny, who has more monthly listeners than Patrick has completed laps, responded only by posting a selfie captioned, “LMAO.” His team confirmed he plans to perform several Spanish-language hits. Experts predict the show may cause record-breaking numbers of remote throws across red states.
Conservative pundits quickly praised Patrick’s “bravery in standing up to rhythm.” One outlet even compared her to Rosa Parks, “if Rosa had refused to move to the bilingual section.” Critics, however, pointed out that Patrick’s career path often went in circles, both literally and politically.
From Fast Lane to Flat Earth
Republican insiders say Patrick’s comments align with a broader campaign to “Make Halftime White Again.” The proposed lineup for 2027 reportedly includes Kid Rock, Toby Keith, and a monster truck rally choreographed to Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.”
Meanwhile, Trump campaign adviser Eric Bolling vowed that a future Trump administration would replace the halftime show with “45 minutes of patriotic silence, followed by fireworks shaped like bald eagles.”
“Bad Bunny’s performance will be historic,” said NFL spokesperson Tyrese Lane. “He’ll be the first artist to unite America in yelling ‘turn it down!’ in two languages.”
Despite the backlash, fans remain eager for the show. “If you can understand every lyric at a halftime show,” said one viewer, “you’re probably the target audience for a Monster Energy lawsuit.”
The only Spanish I wanna hear at halftime is ‘Doritos Locos.’
Carla McGrath, NASCAR Prayer Circle
