NEED TO KNOW
- Ryan Walters says graphic images were part of a moral panic presentation
- PowerPoint allegedly titled “Public School Hellscape: The Slippery Slope of Tolerance”
- Board members confused when slide 5 began buffering a 12-minute video
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK — State Superintendent Ryan Walters has denied any wrongdoing after nude women were seen on the television in his office, claiming they were “educational diagrams about sin” intended to warn students about the dangers of “unregulated thighs.”
During a closed-door executive session, multiple board members reportedly gasped as images appeared onscreen that one staffer later described as “less curriculum, more Cinemax.” Walters insisted the visuals were part of a PowerPoint meant to illustrate “what secular liberalism looks like in its final form.”
“This was a visual aid,” Walters told reporters. “The kind of thing you’d see in any abstinence-forward kindergarten program. It’s shocking only if you’ve never been to church camp or taken a theology class at DeVry.”
Lawmakers quickly launched an inquiry, though several Republican senators immediately reported that their memories had become “foggy and holy.” Rep. Dick Lowe added, “We’ve all had trouble turning off smart TVs. I once spent four hours trapped in a Home Shopping Network loop.”
Despite the controversy, Walters refused to unlock his devices, citing divine privilege and a recurring prophecy in Leviticus. He also announced an upcoming school initiative titled “Screens of Temptation: Spotting Sin at 4K Resolution.”
Quote of the moment
Sometimes God sends you an HDMI signal and a teachable moment
Ryan Walters, Oklahoma State Superintendent
