I live in a duplex with thin walls, and lately I’ve been hearing my neighbor — let’s call him “Jeff with the Peloton” — getting, uh, very into his own cardio routine. At first, I was horrified. But then… something strange happened. I started waiting for it. Now I find myself turning down the volume on my TV when I hear the telltale thump-thump of self-love next door. Is this normal? Am I a terrible person? Do I owe him a muffin basket or therapy co-pay?
Sincerely,
Moaning in Milwaukee
Dear Moaning,
What a beautiful time to be alive — when even our shared walls are trying to get us off.
First of all, you’re not alone. Many Americans are turned on by ambient intimacy, especially when it comes with surround sound and a hint of regret. It’s 2025, and voyeurism has been repackaged as “eco-conscious dating.”
That said, your options are clear:
- Knock politely and ask if he takes song requests.
- Leave a note: “You, me, and drywall. Let’s talk.”
- Or, the more mature path: invest in noise-canceling headphones and try to form a real connection — with someone who doesn’t sound like they’re launching a SpaceX rocket every Thursday at 9:17 p.m.
Just remember, arousal is human, curiosity is normal, and if Jeff starts live-streaming, at least ask for the Wi-Fi password.
Stay curious,
Folly
