NEED TO KNOW
- Jennifer Aniston is reportedly dating hypnotist Jim Curtis during a luxury yacht vacation in Mallorca.
- Sources claim Curtis may have inadvertently hypnotized her into believing she is a loyal Golden Retriever.
- Jason Bateman has begun researching dog training courses “just in case this sticks.”
A Celebrity Romance With a Slight Identity Crisis
Jennifer Aniston’s latest Mediterranean getaway has turned unexpectedly canine. While most celebrity couples announce their love via Instagram or a discreet restaurant leak, Aniston appears to have taken a more primal approach—by allegedly fetching grapes and responding exclusively to the name “Sunshine.”
Who’s a Good Girl? Apparently Jennifer
Onlookers aboard the luxury yacht say they’ve seen Aniston wagging her metaphorical tail, nuzzling up to Curtis, and once barking at a passing jet ski. While some assumed this was part of a quirky detox, friends now fear Curtis, a hypnotist, may have taken things too far.
Celebrity Friends Grow Worried
Jason Bateman was reportedly overheard asking, “Is she… panting?” Meanwhile, Amy Schumer allegedly Googled “how long can a human play dead before it’s concerning?” Despite the awkwardness, the group has agreed not to bring it up directly, hoping Aniston will eventually “snap out of it or just live her best furry life.”
Jim Curtis has declined to comment, though he did whisper “Stay” to Jennifer before leaving the deck.
A source close to Aniston confirmed she remains “incredibly affectionate, easily distracted by tennis balls, and deeply loyal.”
The nation waits patiently to see if she comes when called. Love isn’t always logical, but sometimes it does roll over on command.
Quote of the moment
I once told a man he was a chicken nugget. Now he has a TikTok and a sponsorship with Chick-fil-A
Jim Curtis
