Notification
Search
Have an existing account?
Sign In
All the Latest in Sports
Steelers Unveil “Enlightened Terrible Towel” as Aaron Rodgers Ushers in New Gridiron Age
Aaron Rodgers reinvents the Terrible Towel, turning Pittsburgh’s playoff run into a spiritual journey involving chakra colors, sage rituals, and towel-based prophecy.
Minnesota High School Wins State Title After Internet Comments Section Decides Game
A Minnesota high school’s softball title was decided by the X comments section, not the scoreboard. Simone Biles and Riley Gaines battled online while the field sat quiet.
Knicks Fire Thibodeau to Restore Balance of Sports Sadness in NYC
Tom Thibodeau was fired as Knicks head coach for coaching “too well” and making New Yorkers uncomfortable with unfamiliar feelings of hope.
Indy 500 Rain Delay Shocks Absolutely No One
Rain has once again delayed the Indy 500, shocking absolutely no one and reinforcing that weather is undefeated in May.
America Sends Wienermobiles to the Track, World Watches in Confused Silence
America just raced hot dogs around the Indy 500 track. The world looked on in horror. America asked if they wanted ketchup with that.
Angel Reese Pinky Swears She’s Totally Not Jealous of Caitlin Clark’s Hype
Angel Reese wants everyone to know she’s not upset about Caitlin Clark’s media hype. She’s “totally fine” and has the pinky swear to prove it.
Pete Rose’s Estate Cashes in 40-Year-Old Bet That MLB Would Reinstate Him
Decades after being banned from baseball, Pete Rose’s estate just cashed in a long-forgotten bet that he’d one day make the Hall of Fame.
Da Pope Adds Walter Payton Fathead to Papal Quarters, Declares Bears “God’s Team”
Pope Leo XIV has customized his quarters with a Walter Payton Fathead, Da Bears posters, and a side of Midwestern reverence. Heaven, meet Soldier Field.
Bill Belichick’s Girlfriend Banned From UNC Football Facility After Forgetting She Isn’t the Head Coach
Bill Belichick’s girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, is banned from UNC football facilities. Apparently, being a muse doesn’t qualify you to call the plays.
