Trump Wishes America a “Happy Memorial Day” by Screaming at Everyone, Including Ghosts
Trump posted a Memorial Day message so intense it made fireworks seem subtle. God bless the caps lock key.…
Marjorie Taylor Greene Challenges AI Bot to Theological Duel, Loses in Two Sentences
Marjorie Taylor Greene argued with an AI chatbot about her Christianity and lost. The AI didn’t even have to pray about it.…
Trump Holds Up Congo Massacre Photo to Prove South African Genocide, World Stares Blankly
Trump accused South Africa of white genocide using a Congo war photo, proving once again that foreign policy is now just a tab…
Treasury Secretary Announces Support for Digital Assets Right After Monetizing Trump’s Meme Coin
Treasury Secretary says Trump is “going big” on digital assets, right after Trump threw a gala for people who bought his meme coin.…
Texas Moves to Ban THC Gummies, Vapes, and Anything That Makes You Feel Slightly Happy
Texas plans to ban all THC products by September, because gummies are the real threat, not property taxes or a functioning electrical grid.…
Will Trump’s iPhone Tariff Make You Pay $3,500 to Autocorrect “Covfefe”?
Trump threatens Apple with tariffs unless it builds iPhones in America, proving once again he understands manufacturing the same way toddlers understand cloud…
Trump Removes Solar Tax Credits in Big Beautiful Bill, Cites Longstanding Feud With the Sun
Trump cuts solar tax credits in his Big Beautiful Bill, finally settling his grudge against the sun for daring to shine too brightly…
Trump Revokes Harvard’s Foreign Students, Cites National Security Threat of Being Too Smart
Trump administration pulls plug on Harvard’s foreign students, citing too much international thinking and not enough ‘America First’ GPA curves.…
Trump Spokeswoman Says It’s “Absurd” to Think He’s Profiting From Presidency, Immediately Sells $95 Golf Towels
Trump’s spokeswoman says it’s absurd to think he’s profiting off the presidency, then immediately sells $95 towels and probably your dignity.…
Nancy Mace Accused of Nude Photo Blackmail, Accidentally Becomes First Congresswoman to Host Her Own Political OnlyFans
Rep. Nancy Mace may have used naked photos to extort homes from her ex, but don’t worry—she still found time to write bot…
