After decades of wrapping every issue in red tape, officials were shocked this week when the Bureaucracy finally snapped under its own weight. Witnesses say the tape, long used to delay progress and quietly suffocate innovation, frayed beyond repair after a record-breaking session of procedural gridlock.
Lawmakers celebrated the development as “historic deregulation,” while citizens nervously asked who’s actually in charge now. Analysts warn the absence of bureaucracy might trigger something worse: accountability. Still, some Americans expressed relief. “It’s nice not needing eight forms and three approvals to exist,” said one former taxpayer, clutching the broken scraps of administrative failure.
At press time, Congress voted to launch a new agency tasked with studying why the old tape broke, expected to deliver findings by 2074.
We cut the tape. Unfortunately, it was holding everything together.
Milton Kragg, Department of Unintended Consequences
