NEED TO KNOW
- The Senate unanimously passed the No Tax on Tips Act, giving workers a $25,000 tax deduction on cash tips
- Critics ask why tipping prompts at hospital check-ins and self-checkout kiosks weren’t banned instead
- Congress says it may address “tipflation creep” in the future, pending a bipartisan investigation into frozen yogurt
Protesters Boycott Walmart, Walmart Shrugs and Offers $3 Lawn Chairs
A nationwide boycott of Walmart has begun in response to the company’s decision to quietly back away from its Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion programs. In a bold display of resistance, protestors are refusing to buy toothpaste, toilet paper, or 200-packs of toaster pastries until the company rediversifies its stockroom or something.
The People’s Union, a group that previously declared war on single-use plastics and people who recline airplane seats, has called on Americans to avoid Walmart and its affiliates, including Sam’s Club and “that weird neighborhood market that somehow only sells olives and pain relievers.”
“Corporations have a responsibility to uphold justice,” said Union spokesperson Kira Lipton. “And by justice, we mean free shipping on social change.”
Walmart’s Response? Lower Prices and a 7-Foot Inflatable Unicorn
Walmart responded to the protest by unveiling a massive rollback on backyard trampolines, 80-packs of crayons, and something called a “patriotic taco holder.” The company made no direct comment on the boycott, but a clerk named Randy at the Bentonville location whispered, “They got mad last time we did the Juneteenth ice cream. We’re just gonna keep our heads down and sell Oreos.”
Despite the boycott, Walmart reported steady sales over the weekend, mostly from shoppers who forgot what day it was or just needed “one thing.”
“It’s symbolic,” said one protester outside a Walmart. “I’m not shopping here this week. I just came in to use the bathroom and buy cat litter.”
Independence Day Blackout Expected to Be Mostly Lit
Future actions include a boycott of Target and McDonald’s, culminating in a July 4th “Independence Day Blackout,” during which protestors will presumably declare freedom from convenience, hot fries, and $1 sodas. Organizers warn that continued rollbacks on DEI could result in “a complete cancellation of Labor Day,” though analysts say that may just be wishful thinking.
Quote of the Moment
If they cared about inclusion, they’d start by restocking women’s pants in sizes larger than 6.
Boycott organizer yelling into a fan for dramatic effect
