NEED TO KNOW
- Local merchant turned recurring protests into a booming patriotic bonfire business
- His bestsellers are pre-frayed, ultra-flammable U.S. flags labeled “Freedom Fuel”
- He now sponsors rallies with bulk discounts and a loyalty card that literally scorches on the fifth purchase
He Built a Fortune One Flaming Flag at a Time
TEHRAN, IRAN — Meet Fakhir Al-Nashif, a soft-spoken textiles dealer turned accidental global icon of supply-side irony. From a cramped backroom in Tehran’s Grand Bazaar, Fakhir has amassed a fortune selling high-quality American flags. His clientele? Protesters who can’t burn symbols of imperialism fast enough.
“I used to sell rugs,” Fakhir explained. “But then I saw a YouTube video of someone struggling to ignite a cheap nylon flag. It melted like a sad balloon. I thought, these people deserve a premium flammable experience.”
From Family Cloth Merchant to Firestarter of Capitalism
Fakhir’s startup, **Burner Bros. Flags**, began as a joke between cousins. Now it employs 38 people and has a dedicated export division. He sources breathable cotton-linen blends that ignite in under three seconds. Each comes with a complimentary matchbook reading *‘Lighting the Way Since 2006.’*
His business peaks during American elections, drone strikes, and when any U.S. pop star tweets support for Israel. “Taylor Swift broke our servers,” he noted. “We had to add a Swift Tax.”
Irony Bakes at 600 Degrees
Despite the flags’ intended fate, Fakhir treats each piece like a sacred object. “I stitch every star myself,” he beamed, “so they shimmer before combustion. The stripes? Straight as Allah wills.”
Asked whether he finds it strange to build a business around destroying his own inventory, Fakhir grinned. “The West sells us bombs. I sell them symbolic firewood. Who’s the true capitalist here?”
Critics Say It’s Hypocritical. Fakhir Says It’s Just Business.
Some say he profits off anger. Others call him the Etsy of geopolitical dissent. Fakhir just shrugs. “Everyone says they hate capitalism,” he said. “Until I offer free shipping.”
Burner Bros. now offers tiered subscription plans, with silver, gold, and “Infidel Inferno” options. He’s also launched a seasonal collection: waterproof flags for monsoon protests and wind-resistant ones for coastal outrage.
Next up? Branded lighter fluid. “We’re in talks with a matchstick influencer from Lebanon,” Fakhir whispered. “It’s going to be huge.”
Quote of the moment
America gave me the dream. I just gave it back in smoke.
Fakhir Al-Nashif, Founder of Burner Bros. Flags
