NEED TO KNOW
- Hooters closes 30 locations, blaming the “nationwide decline in forced family discomfort.”
- Company will pivot to “virtual awkwardness,” including Zoom birthday parties and Dad Joke hotlines.
- Officials say spicy wings will survive—unlike the last time you tried to explain the menu to your kids.
The End of an Era (and Mom’s Patience)
In a bold move, Hooters has shuttered about 30 of its restaurants across several states, marking a new chapter for the iconic chain. Corporate leadership cited “America’s shrinking appetite for awkward family dinners” as the driving force behind the closures. According to the company, fewer families are willing to suffer through chicken wings, loud TVs, and dads saying, “I swear, it’s just for the sports!” with a straight face.
Families Seek Less Cringe, More Ranch
Hooters’ annual survey revealed that 83% of parents dreaded the “let’s take the whole family to Hooters” birthday party, second only to dinner at Medieval Times. Modern families now crave dinners where their kids don’t ask, “Dad, what’s a double entendre?” This shift has left Hooters executives scrambling to find new ways to keep the flame of family discomfort alive—possibly by launching “Awkward Zoom Birthday Party” kits or just texting everyone chicken wing coupons at 2 a.m.
Dad, This Is a Wendy’s
Local fathers across the nation mourned the closures, with one Indiana dad stating, “Where else am I supposed to take my family when Applebee’s feels too classy?” Meanwhile, moms everywhere quietly rejoiced, citing a sudden drop in mysterious orange laundry stains and cringe-inducing birthday song performances. Hooters, for its part, reassured customers that their world-famous wings aren’t going away, just the chance to eat them while making eye contact with your teenage son across the table.
What’s Next for the Hooters Brand?
While the company transitions to a pure franchise model, insiders say the focus will be on “virtual awkwardness” and even more creative ways to keep the Hooters legacy alive. Executives are reportedly considering a Dad Joke hotline, a VR buffalo wing tasting experience, and the highly anticipated “Dinner for One” loyalty program. No word yet on how these new offerings will replicate the unique discomfort of explaining a neon tank top to your five-year-old.
Quote of the Moment
Some families bond over board games. We bonded over pretending not to notice the Hooters birthday balloon bouquet
Anonymous Iowa Mom
