NEED TO KNOW
- In a move no one saw coming, Head & Shoulders has unveiled its brand new “Knees & Toes” Body Wash.
- Company spokespeople promise “comprehensive coverage” for every part you forgot you had.
- Dermatologists everywhere are preparing for a sudden uptick in “elbow and ankle envy.”
A Clean Sweep for All Extremities
Just when you thought your hygiene routine couldn’t get more complicated, Head & Shoulders announced it’s branching out from the scalp to the rest of your anatomy. The new “Knees & Toes” body wash promises to make sure your lower limbs get the kind of attention usually reserved for dandruff-prone noggins.
Finally, Something for Your Neglected Parts
“We realized there was a massive market of people who have knees and toes, but absolutely no idea how to wash them,” said Head & Shoulders marketing VP Ashley Swanson. “Why stop at the top, when you can go all the way down?” The press event included a demonstration with an unfortunate intern who, for science, washed only his knees and toes for a week.
“Elbows & Ankles” Not Far Behind
Rumor has it that the next wave of body care products will tackle every nook and cranny. Early product leaks suggest “Elbows & Ankles” and “Necks & Nostrils” are already in development, for those who believe hygiene should require its own playlist.
Consumers React: “What About My Shoulders?”
The internet responded in predictable fashion, with confused memes and hot takes. One trending comment: “I guess my shoulders will just fend for themselves now?” Meanwhile, dermatologists warn the rest of the body not to get too comfortable—armpit-specific washes may be coming soon.
Quote of the Moment
We believe cleanliness should travel from head to toe, skipping nothing but dignity.
Thomas Mane, Head & Shoulders spokesperson
